ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
