Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
