my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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