I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
