Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
