You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
