Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Boobs are out for the taking
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
