I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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