Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
