Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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