just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
