you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
