I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize