wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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