I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
