It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
