thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
