he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
