That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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