Cold hands, warm shart.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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