a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Boobs speak an international language.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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