He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
