My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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