we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
