As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
