Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
well you can't waste a boner
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
