Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
whose parrot is this?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
