we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
