i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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