it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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