Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
