I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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