Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
