So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
