We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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