So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
