i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize