Swine flu. Run for my life!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
