I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
