ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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