I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
