I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
