so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I will pee on everything he values.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
