i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
