I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
