babies were throwing up all over the place
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
