Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
