If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
