Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
