i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
