There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
