yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
