the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
