I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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