so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
this just has baby written all over it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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