i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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