I'm jealous of your bromance
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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