Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
