Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
