And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You are a genius and a whore.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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