Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
