Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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