After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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