so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
