Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
