i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
