I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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