1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize