I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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