my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
