I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
