he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
