I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
