You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
