Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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