the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
