I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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