Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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