dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
