I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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